Wardrobe Malfunction

 

I swear, I am the most unlucky human being in the world when it comes to wardrobe malfunction. Usually, the problem lies with shoes. I’m either breaking heels or breaking straps. I’ve even chipped off chunks of my wooden wedges, hence why I stay away from expensive shoes. Prices don’t matter. If they’re girly, I’ll break them no matter how expensive they are.

Anyhoo, this past month, all my shoes were in good shape. For now, at least. Unfortunately, my pants – not so great. I had TWO pants disaster this past month alone! The first was when I realized the zipper of my pants broke. Fortunately, a little safety pin solved the problem. About a week later, I found a hole at the crotch of my pants. Not right in the middle where the hole is quite invisible, but right below the zipper, where the hole is CLEARLY visible. My brightly colored unmentionables didn’t help either. Oh, and the icing on the cake? Both incidents happened while I was at work. Thank God for Big J and her sewing kit. Saved me from utter humiliation. I owe her one :)

You can be gay, but you can’t tell anyone?

Why are most Malays such hypocrites?

I just read an article on Azwan Ismail, the Muslim Malay man who publicly announced that he was gay online. I was shocked by how many enraged Malays there were based on the comments I’ve seen. Why was this shocking to me? Because being Malay (and therefore Muslim) and gay is not an alien notion. It’s been around for so long. I’ve met plenty of gays and lesbians. I am friends with some gays. Heck, the place I get my hair cut is run by gays and transsexuals. Almost everyone I know is okay with being friends with gays or those who are obviously gay, so what’s with the countless death threats and enraged comments?

That’s where the hypocrisy comes in. The way I see it, most Malays are okay with being friends with gays or suspected gays, as long as it is not made public that these guys are gays… Did that make sense? Basically, it goes something like this: “If I don’t know for sure that you’re gay, then it’s alright, but if you tell everyone you’re gay, then you’re going to hell”.

Fucked up, isn’t it?

Today’s Lesson

Today, I learned that…

Shisha+Cough Syrup+Cold Medicine+Panadol+Antibiotics
=
HIGH!

Kids, do not try this at home!

I will never ever EVER smoke shisha and then take my medicine ever EVER again. I’ve learned my lesson. Warp Zone! (&*%$^$%&^**&(*F&(&F(&DS(&FS(&^%&%&%!

-END-

P/S If you are sick, STAY IN BED!

Quotable Quotes

I just HAD to put this down. It’s the only thing that cracked me up the entire day! :)

“Isn’t it lovely to know that the ‘defenders of our faith’ include ‘ulama’ who insist that the Devil had a conversation with the Prophet in which he told him that he liked to hang out at CINEMAS, and issue a fatwa that declared budu as najis if spilt upon clothing, but perfectly pure when eaten.

Jilat telo bapak ngko boleh?”

-Anonymous-
(Just coz I don’t know if he’d want to be published :P)

Star Trek Zombies

My dreams are always so… weird, complex, vivid, and yet, they’re quite interesting.

Last night (it’s 9am right now, and I just woke up), I dreamt that I was part of the medical team aboard, get this, The USS Enterprise. That’s right. I was aboard the frigging Star Trek spaceship. Now, I am not a Star Trek fan at all, but somehow I managed to get the name of the ship and the characters right. Weird. The captain of the ship was James T. Kirk, but not the William Shatner version. It was the Chris Pine version. Hehehe. Even in my dreams, I have good taste :P And who the hell is Jean-Luc Picard? His name keeps popping up in my head, but I don’t know who he is.

Anyhoo, during the voyage to some place in the outer space (dreams are never very clear about these things), there was an outbreak of zombie virus. Yeah, Star Trek + Zombies, who would have thought right? Anyhoo, one guy got infected and turned into a zombie  and during a huge fight, he was thrown through and glass window and fell into deep space oblivion.

Then we landed on some planet that really looked like Earth, IMO. What did we do? We had a frigging PICNIC! That’s when several other people started showing symptoms of the Zombie virus. I, being a part of the medical team, had to administer some kind of shots to these infected people. It was quite tough. They were starting to get aggressive, and I had to find the right vein to inject the antidote in, and they were chasing me on the water slide… Yeah.. That’s when I woke up. I usually wake up when my dreams start to get wonky :p

I blame SPOCK for this dream!

P.S. Jean-Luc Picard – Bald guy who played Professor X on X-Men. Had to google him. LOL.

P.P.S Maybe I should start a dream blog. Chronicle all my dreams. That’d be cool…

Must Musing

You know you’re a shisha whore when…

1. you go to a shisha place and the people who work there say, “Hey! Long time no see!”
2. the owner of the shisha place knows you AND your profession.
3. you’ve gotten a free shisha.
4. the waiter who takes your order knows what shisha flavor you want without you telling them.
5. the moment you sit down down, the shisha guy goes over to you and says, “Shisha tonight?”

Yes, all of these have happened to me. Yes, I am a shisha whore. Bwahahahahah.

Happy 20th Anniversary ELS!

This month, November, ELS Malaysia celebrates its 20th anniversary. 20 years and still going strong. Far out! Check out the video ELS made in conjunction with its 20th anniversary.

P.S. Hyf’'s and my part rocked! :p

Being Stepped Over?

Langkah Bendul – In the Malay culture, it is considered a “langkah bendul” when a younger sister gets married before her elder sister. It is also tradition for the younger sister and her newlywed husband to present the elder sister with gifts as a sign of respect and hope that the older sister will find her own match soon.

You’re probably wondering why I’ve suddenly decided to give you an insight into the Malay culture. Not only Malay culture, but Malay WEDDING culture at that. Here’s the story…

My younger sister, Ernie, recently announced that she’s going to be bringing home a guy to officially meet the family. A guy whom, if all goes well, she plans on getting engaged to and marrying soon afterwards. A WEDDING! SUCH HAPPY NEWS! I am happy for her, and for a while, all I could think of was “GIFTS! GIFTS! GIFTS!” since a “langkah bendul” will happen.

All was great until I decided to go over to my parents’ house after work  because I’d been too busy this past weekend to stop by. The first thing my mom said to me as soon as I walked in the door was, “Kalau adik kamu kahwin, nanti kamu dilangkah bendul. Kamu takpe?”, which, in English, meant, “When your younger sister gets married, you’ll be stepped over (langkah bendul). You okay with that?” My answer to that was, “Takpe. Biarlah die kahwin. Lagipun nanti Ira dapat hadiah. Heheheh,” which meant, “It’s okay. Let her get married. Besides, I’ll get presents. Hehehe.” You know what my mom’s answer to that was? She said, “Bagus. Biarlah die kahwin. Kalau nak tunggu kamu, sampai bile die nak tunggu,” which meant, “Good. Let her get married. If she has to wait for you to get married first, who knows how long she’ll be waiting.”

GEEEEEEZZZZ MOM!!! Are you on a mission to see the destruction of my mere and humble existence?!

Okay, so it sucks that there’s a high probability that my younger sister who’s 3 years my junior might get married before I do. But if it’s true love, who am I, the most hopeless romantic I know, to stop it? Let true love run its course. I’m genuinely happy that she has found someone worth bringing home to officially meet the family. I really am. But does my mom have to be so condescending and hurtful? I am only 26 years old GODDAMMIT!

Do I annoy you? Really? How much do I annoy you? Am I annoying you now? Are you really annoyed? Will you tell me if you’re annoyed? Will you? Will you? Am I really annoying?

Have you ever met anyone who annoyed you so much that their presence could change your mood from utterly upbeat to horribly horrifying? Someone who, no matter what he did, annoyed the crap out of you?

Unfortunately, I have. Recently, in fact. The funny thing is that I’ve known the guy for about 5 years. Granted, I’ve only known him online all the while before this, but still. I’ve met a lot of people online, and almost all of them have turned out to be decent people. Some of them even became some of my closest friends, like Zuni and Corporate Chick, so it was really weird when this particular guy just bugged the hell out of me. Him online? Decent guy. Got along with him fine. Him in person? Kill me. Kill me now!

This guy, let’s just call him Annoying Man in honor of his superhuman power to annoy me beyond mere annoyance, had SOOOOO many annoying characteristics. Let’s highlight a few of the major ones…

1. His tendency to blurt out random words in French, a language none of my friends, family members, or myself knew. A few foreign words here and there is not a problem since I, myself, am an ESL teacher, but this guy does it ALL THE FRIGGING TIME! It’s the equivalent of me saying this to a person who doesn’t speak Malay: “Yeah, yeah! Let’s go to that place! Tempat tu seronok gile!” People who don’t speak Malay, did you understand what I just said? NO!!!!! And this happened like 5 times a day!!!
2. His ability to talk about money… and nothing else. Zuni commented that Annoying Man seemed to be quiet most of the time… except when he’s talking about money. “We closed a deal with our client for this much money,” “I bought the place for that much money,” and “They’re paying me this much every month,” are the kind of things you hear coming out of Annoying Man’s mouth when he’s not jabbering in French. You know what I think though? I think he was all talk and that he didn’t actually have as much money as he made it seem like he had.
3. His manners… or lack of it.
   He had his shoes on the first time he stepped into my house. I told him off for it and explained the Asian custom of taking off the shoes when you enter a house, coz let’s face it, we Asians do everything on the floor. We sit, eat, pray, and even sleep on the floor. Fast forward to a few days later, he walked around my house with his shoes on AGAIN! Not only that, when I dropped by my parents’ house (my parents were out of town) to drop off my brother, I told him to come inside the living room and use the internet if he wanted to coz I had to get some stuff from the house, he WENT UPSTAIRS UNINVITED! I got so angry! Who the hell goes upstairs in a stranger’s home uninvited?! People with no manners, that’s who!
4. His inability to accept his faults, mistakes, or anything that sheds a negative light on him.
   Sometimes it’s hard to understand what he’s saying because he doesn’t pronounce his “H”. So one day he was saying, “Yeah, you have to eat the batteries. Then it’ll work.” We were all baffled. We were like, “What? Eat the batteries?” It was another 5 minutes before we figured out that he was trying to say “HEAT”. When I tried to get him to pronounce it properly, he said “That’s how we French talk.” So what? IT’S EFFING WRONG! Just frigging admit it already. Gah!
5. More of his annoyingness!
   Last month we went on a 26km cycling tour in Cambodia. He kept falling behind and had on this constantly pissed off face the whole entire bike ride. (Did I mention he had on a constantly pissed off face each and every morning when we’re walking around temples as well?)  His reason? “They gave me a shit bike! This bike is fucked up! I can’t change gears!” …………… SIEM RIEP IS A STRETCH OF FLAT LAND! THERE IS NO NEED TO CHANGE BIKE GEARS!I didn’t change my gear the entire bike ride, AND my bike seat was so hard that within 5 minutes on it my ass was already aching, but did you hear me complain? NO!

You know, this particular guy bugs me SOOOOO much that if I keep going, I’ll have an uber long list. Because of this, I’m gonna stop here. I hope someone can shove his boastfulness, his rudeness, and his annoyingness up his rude, pompous ass!

Quotable Quotes

“This certainly could finally explain why a man that ugly would dump a princess so beautiful for another woman who looks like a foot.”

-Perez Hilton on rumors that Prince Charles is gay-

LOL!!!!!

Songs of Past Romance

LIST UPDATED!

It’s so weird how every time you have a new guy to drool over, there’s always a song being played over and over again on the radio that gets to you. Sometimes the lyrics of a song is too similar to your own tale of love that you think that, by some weird fate or alignment of the stars, the song was made especially for you. Sometimes a song just reminds you of your muse, despite the fact that the song is not even a love song. And sometimes you just randomly pick a song and decide that this is the theme song for your new crush, regardless of what the song is.

When I look over my shamefully long list of long forgotten romances, I realize that I still think of them whenever those songs happen to be playing on the radio. Here are a few of my past theme songs…

1. 1st boyfriend - “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer (ironic, since we never kissed)
2. Ganu - “Since You’ve Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson (the lyrics spoke to me.. It was all pretend)
3. Love of My Life - “Kenangan Terindah” by Samsons (aku yang lemah tanpamu.. so he said.. LIES!!)
4. Beach Bum - “Sempurna” by Andra and the Backbone (first song we really listened to at the start of the relationship)
5. Fat Bastard – “Jingle Bitch” by Phoebe Buffet (FRIENDS) – some lyrics may have been changed to better suit the situation.
6. Immature - “I’m Already Gone” by Kelly Clarkson (we were always meant to say goodbye)

Current Status: Single
Current Theme Song: “Just the Way You Are” by Bruno Mars
Current Muse: ……..

Please Rephrase

A student in my writing class wanted to write that he woke up from a terrible nightmare drenched in sweat.

This is what he wrote…

“When I woke up that morning, I got wet…”

Hehehe. It’s the funniest thing I’ve seen this month. I had to tell him why he had to rephrase his sentence. AWKWARD :p

 

Quotable Quotes

“Isn’t that the thing that killed romance?”

- Bianca Stratford
10 Things I Hate About You
on Feminism-

Breast Ironing in Cameroon

Watch the video below to  see how cruel women in Cameroon are to their own daughters. Women in Cameroon are ironing their daughters’ breasts in order to prevent unwanted pregnancy. Girls are getting their breasts ironed as early as 9 years old. The notion is that girls will appear less sexual to men if they didn’t have breasts, therefore reducing the possibility of them having sex., which in turn will NOT get them pregnant and allow them to finish school. All I can say is that this is clearly child abuse. Anyone who did this in any other country would have been put to jail. One order of Sex Ed please!

Breast Ironing in Cameroon

Quotable Quotes

“Have you heard of the new Dutch Bra? It has all the support, but no cup.”

-Anonymous-
On the 2010 World Cup

Another Accident To Add To A Growing List...

A few days ago I got my Prowler into a little fender bender. Was turning into a road, took too much road space and ended up going into the other lane, which resulted in me crashing into another car. It's my fault, definitely, but the damage wouldn't have been so bad if the guy hadn't been going uber fast. Now I'm out RM300 and I've got a dented car, not to mention a growing list of road catastrophes. Maybe they should take my license away. I'm a recipe for road disasters.
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Must Musing

Some guys, despite their age (and gender), just act like high school girls. Unfortunately, you’ll meet at least one in your life, one way or another. That, my friends, is what I call one of life’s little inevitabilities.

Eclipse Clipse

OMG. This actually looks real good! I can’t wait! Eclipse has the most fighting scenes out of all the books. Boys, you might want to consider watching this one :)

Disney’s Desperate Housewives

 
Hehehe. This cracked me up early in the morning!

Quotable Quotes

I saw Prince of Persia yesterday and loved it!  Then, when I read this quote from Jake Gyllenhaal on Perez Hilton this morning, I just cracked up. Dude’s got a sense of humor :)

“I would just like to say to all the ladies out there, I know this is a big weekend for you in North America…this (stands up and points at his body) is Sex and the City – and if you want to see Sex and the City 2 – just see my movie twice.”

- Prince of Persia star Jake GyllenHO, to MTV Canada this week